Recently, Ian and I had to go to Ikea to pick up a spare part that was missing from our bed frame. I looove Ikea, so any excuse to go there is exciting to me. To my unsuspecting mind, this would be a quick, in and out trip: get the part, stuff our faces with cinnamon rolls, maybe wander around in the showroom pretending we can afford everything, and then get on with life.
But, my friends, reality is often very different from our dreams.
Basically returns and exchanges at Ikea works like this: you take a number and then enter into a cold, collective nightmare of a purgatory filled with desperate looking people. Just when you think you’re starting to lose the will to keep breathing, they finally call you up. Then, you wait some more while they find your part or process your return. It’s not unlike the DMV, actually.
Most of the other people there looked lost, as if they had forgotten their families, their homes, even their own names and what it meant to be human during the long wait. But, a few people somehow had ice cream cones. I don’t know where the hell they got them, but those people really know how to live an excellent life. Ice cream in a waiting room = success.
Then again, I might have been hallucinating at that point and there wasn’t really any ice cream anywhere. We’ll never know.
About 30 minutes into our wait, I started thinking deep thoughts. Like, what do the names of Ikea furniture mean in English? My bed frame is called the Hurdal…what does that mean?
With nothing else really going on in our lives at the moment, this seemed like a super interesting thing to investigate. Ian pulled out his phone and typed Hurdal into Google Translate, and we waited.
Guess what? Google did not know what the hell it meant.
We tried a few other ones too, but to no avail. So, instead of actually trying to seriously look anything up, we decided that we would just translate stuff ourselves.
Here are a few we came up with:
HURDAL = barnswallow
INGATORP = rainy afternoon
EKTORP = kitten
POÄNG = bouncy
KVARNVIK = lawn
SVIRVEL = silver chalice of the King
BLÄDJAN = flower petal
GJÖRA = one who walks the forest
KLIPPAN = honored son
In the end, I have to say that the Ikea people were super nice and helpful and we got our part.
And, more importantly, our cinnamon rolls.